Sharing

You know at a very early age we are taught to share without consequences. This works for us as we’re young children and we’re not tainted by society or greed. Though as time goes on this changes in all of us. No matter what you share there’s always a risk involved in releasing things to others in the off chance they take this and use it against you or towards their advantage. I personally have been selfish with a lot of things in life and don’t really see a reason to change. I’m ok with the fact that I only give enough to get by so people don’t ask questions or pry. Life is complicated and the less emotion you put into it the less complicated it becomes. Sure this may result in a lifetime of loneliness but you can’t ever get hurt if you’re not sharing. I recently tried this whole sharing thing and I understand why I’ve come to never do it all these years. I believe for me at least, that it’s not going to help or improve me as a person. I’m an individual and that’s all I want to be I don’t want to share me or myself with anyone. I don’t need someone to walk into my life only to walk right back out. Call it selfish, walled up, closed off, or whatever. I call it safe. Though I may not feel the blade of the knife that scars me I’m aware that one exists, and I always know where it’s at. You see by not “Sharing” I can determine how deep the bladed cuts. If you share you’re letting someone else press down on this blade. I’m not ok with that I want to control what happens to me. So for me “Sharing” is not really an option. A tragic lifetime of emptiness or shallow relationship is a much more viable option.

Understanding people and knowing that most of us lack for companionship means I’ll never have to be alone if I chose not to be. I don’t believe in playing games or toying with people’s emotions. I’m very upfront with who I am and how I am. Just know that we all have the power to give or take and I’m not “Sharing”…

Weakness

Far too often we stray away from things that we’re vulnerable to. No one like to be weak or show signs of cracking on our walls. Recently I’ve studied my weakness, my Kryptonite have you, and I’m telling you there’s a lot that can be learned from this. Understanding our “Weakness” is key in growing in order to complete ourselves. To truly accept it and embrace it will not make you weak but rather make you stronger, much stronger. Don’t shy away from it, face it head on. Challenge it explore it know it as if it were your strength. Live it, become one with it, and most of all accept it!

I’ve always been afraid of conflict, so much so that I would put myself in very awkward situations to avoid it. I’d literally do anything to avoid conflict and in lieu of this I’ve been in some very precarious situations. While I was afraid of not only my “Weakness”, but the reactions from it. I’ve let that go and now I’m learning to control and hopefully someday master it. I’m no longer going to run from it, avoid conflict, or live a lie. My mask of smiles shall be removed and I will forever hold true inside and out. My own personal “Weakness” is nothing that extravagant or prestigious but it is a flaw none the less. Ironically enough after studying it and learning to accept it I’ve realized the true power and sheer beauty of it. I’ve always been blinded by it and would succumb to it time and time again. I’ve lived most of my life running from this rather than facing it, and while hindsight is 20/20 I should of done this a long time ago.

I’m not going to state my “Weakness” here, but I will tell you this by facing it I’m no longer afraid of it. It can’t tame me or stop me from controlling it. By allowing this to consume me it was controlling me, I felt powerless at times. By letting something control me that much I have allowed it to beat me. I can assure you one thing those days are over, long over and the balance of power has definitely changed. I’ve finally let it consume me for the right reasons, and now I can relinquish this control and learn from it.

So take whatever “Weakness” you have analyze it understand it and learn how to master it…

A Little Too Late

You know recently I’ve know so many things in my life to change that while I wonder how and why I can’t help but think the timing of life in my case is always just a tad off. It always seems like I’m just a “A Little Too Late”. Ironically enough when we find ourselves in this situation it’s really one of convenience rather than necessity. While we are going along on our own little happy way it appears that we finally wake up one day and realize that hey I should get myself in gear and do the right thing. Unfortunately we are set up for failure since we already have the answers and know what to do. This promotes nothing healthy and genuine but rather an ideal situation for the most opportunistic. Do people really change or are we just smarter about what to do and say? I believe given the choices I’ve been presented in life I know that right now right here I could say all the right things and do the necessary to make things all work. But I personally can’t do that it’s empty it means nothing. I’m not being real to myself if I do this nor am I being true to the over scope of things which is much more important. Why do I not do the right things or express myself when I have the time to?

Life is hard and it hurts to put yourself out there no one wants to throw their cards on the table and regardless of what people tell you they never fully do. Understanding this and accepting it is about all that you can do. I know that I’ve closed myself off to prevent the other person from having control and this has presented me with a lifetime of empty relationships doomed from the start. I feel bad and know that I’ve left a lot of good women in the dark in my lifetime who tried and wanted nothing more than talk to the elusive man they’ve come across. I’ve always believed some will win some will lose but I will never lose more than them. Unfortunately this is the furthest from the truth. I have lost more than all of them and I now know what I’ve done to myself over the past 20 plus years. The other day a friend of mine said I was his hero and he wished he could do what I do. I looked at him and without hesitation stated “The difference between you and me is I’m going to die an old lonely man.” You see I’ve accepted my place in life and I’m fairly certain I know where I’ll end up. Needless to say I have all the tools to have a great relationship and be everything any woman could ever want, I just choose not to. Regardless of my reasons following my reactions to most situations in life I’m always “A Little Too Late”….

Impossible Timing

While I believe that all things in life happen for a reason and there’s nothing thrown at us that we can’t handle, sometimes the “Timing” is suspect. Recently a lot of “Timing” events have occurred in my life that has me questioning my position and stance. You see I was trotting along this little happy path with very little worries or concerns. Then suddenly one day something changed and this path seemed to turn, and not only once but several times. Now I’m standing before a major intersection with may outlets. I was just sure of how things were and where I was going and then life throws me a whirlwind of events. Strangely enough the “Timing” on these things seems to coincide with other events in my life but none the less “Timing” definitely plays a part in my decisions. I’m in constant wonder as to why now? Why at this point in my life? I’m guessing that there’s plans for me and I have to accept the fact that I may or may not be able to capitalize on some of these events. I was so certain that I had my life set and planned out and I knew for certain that things would be like this forever. Finally accepting my place and future I was positive that I knew my place and my role. Now things are a bit skewed and my vision of what once was has now become a thing of the past.

So in the ever changing journey known as life when we feel the most comfortable and secure it pushes us through a different door. Trying to plan or predict this cannot be done thus creating “Impossible Timing”…

Mastering the Art of Loneliness

OK this past week I’ve run across several people from a variety of situations and I’ve come across one common thread here. There’s so many lonely people. Let me explain you don’t have to be alone to be lonely, nor do you have to be lonely if you’re alone.

So I’ve got a friend that is with a person and is unhappy but refuses to let that person go because they can’t handle the quiet and solitude that ensues. So while this selfishness is promoting bad habits and defining a relationship of denial. This portrayal of discontent on someone else’s feelings is just wrong no matter how you look at it. So this makes little sense to me you don’t want the person you’re with you’re talking to other people but you can’t let this go because you’re afraid of being alone and in a quiet house.

Now there’s another good friend of mine that is in a relationship that feels completely alone. I think that this is probably a very common place and where most of the relationships I know live. How come it turns like this how can you feel alone when there’s someone just feet away. I know laying up at night there’s times that you look over and think when will I find the one for me. So as time goes on complacency sets in and things that were fun now taper off to routine at best. Dinners are spent alone though you’re literally two feet away. Watching TV becomes I’m on this side of the couch your on that side. I don’t touch you unless I have to or want something. I can’t wait for you to go somewhere so I can have my alone time, even though I have it all the time.

The one that really kills me is another friend who has just recently left a relationship like the previous paragraph explains. I remember hearing them say if I’m going to do everything alone and feel alone I may as well be alone. Fast forward a few months now that day has come, but guess what…. they’re lonely. OK you were lonely while you were with them and wanted out to have your “own” time, and now you’re alone. So talking to this individual I find out that they miss having someone around, so even though they felt alone they at least had the opportunity to have someone in their life if they choose to. Now seriously another act of selfishness.

All of this has brought me to the conclusion that the majority of people that have these “loneliness issues” are indeed themselves lonely. If you’re looking for validation or happiness from someone else it’s never going to happen. You have to be happy with yourself and things in your life need to be good. Be yourself and like it, be comfortable in your own skin. Realize you’re not perfect and you have flaws. Most importantly accept your mistakes and you as a person.

So I myself and entirely alone during the hardest times of the year. Another Birthday, Thanksgiving and Christmas that I’ll be alone. All of that being said I’d rather be alone and happy then with someone and miserable. So while I’m alone, I’m not lonely……

Broken Time

You know recently I’ve had a big shock from things in my past resurfacing. While I have always looked forward and never regretted much of anything lately I’m in this really bizarre state of “what if”. Needless to say I believe that people enter our lives for specific reasons unknown to us at that time only to later reveal a much clearer picture.

I’ve come across a few friends lately that are going through some issues within their personal life and it always seems like I’m the one with all of this magical advice. While I believe that what I say is sound it’s so strange to hear others talk themselves out of what they know they feel. I always try to force others to look at things through the eyes of another person and remove them from the situation and put their emotions aside. Ironically enough they’re always able to spot out and tell you what you should do in these situations which are identical yet, they’re not able to see it themselves. I used to get lost in wonderment as to why the human psyche will allow you to make excuses for your life and be OK with it. I personally had this issue with many things in my life until I woke up one day and said I’m holding myself accountable for the things that I can control. No one cares if I work out, run, or eat healthy. But I'll tell you who does... Me When I do something bad or fall of the wagon I quickly remind myself to get back on track and focus. I’ve allowed myself the opportunity to right my wrongs, not make excuses for them. I’m tired, I need something fast, I’m sore….. Seriously come on who am I kidding, while this may fly and the outsiders may think this is a valid reason. I know this is no reason this is an excuse. I’m so sick of excuses I’m a person of accountability and results.

Very recently I found myself in a situation that I kept making excuses for someone and kept allowing them to continue to do the same things over and over again. Not until I was able to muster the courage to take control of “MY” life and grow did I realize how much time I wasted. I’m notorious for sticking around much longer than I should of or had to. Call it loyalty, optimism, belief call it whatever you’d like because at the end of the day it’s an excuse a crutch have you.

I’ve give so much “Broken Time” to others that I’ve missed out on my own life and happiness. I refuse to be in a situation that makes me unhappy. Life is way too short to be miserable. A very good friend of mine once told me that if the person you’re with doesn’t make you feel like a king leave them because someone will. They informed me that I should not waste my short time on this planet in a miserable state, but rather use it to search out that one thing that will make me happy.

Now that all of this has become so clear to me I ask if you’ve got “Broken Time” in your life, you my friend have already given up...